It is such a debilitating thing. I seem to struggle with knowing whether these situations are presenting themselves so I can learn not to be afraid of it or if it is trying to teach me to be more careful.
This weekend we were camping and the kids were biking around camp and play at the park together. We camp a lot and usually have a lot of kids with us. Our entire groups usually consists of 4-15 kids. It has taken me a lot of time to get even a little bit comfortable with the kids going off biking or to the park with a big group of kids and no adult. I felt like I was the only crazy parent worrying about the safety of my kids, including my husband thinking I am crazy. I just really think they should be with adults for several reasons. Kids almost always go a little farther than where they are supposed to and try to push the limits, it is completely natural. I really do want my kids to be independent children that understand safety but are also able to be kids and have fun. I have been dealing with this same issue year after year. I have honestly started dreading some camping trips. So, this weekend I decided to give the kids a little more space and to hover less. Ahhh, that is hard. They know the rules, stay together, don’t talk to strangers and come get us if you need help. We had been watching them bike and go to the park all day. They would bike by and I would count my kids. Yup, got them all. If they were gone a little too long, I went for a walk and found them in deep discussion of their next plan. They were having fun which is what is important, right? Well, all of a sudden two of the kids comes back with $5.00 in their hand. Now, these two boys are fully aware of strangers, taking things from strangers and talking to strangers. They are 12 and 11 years old. One of course was my son. He knew immediately he had done something wrong. We started asking questions as to where the money came from. We come to find out that an adult ( 2 to be exact) paid one of the kids $5.00 to drive through a mud puddle. So, not only did they stop and talk to strangers, they did what they asked them to do and got close enough to willingly take the money. I was so smoking mad at this point. We have drilled this stuff into our kids heads and I really started to question my parenting at this point. I have talked, we have read books, we have watched videos and they have heard it in school. What am I missing that my 12 year old doesn’t understand how dangerous this situation was. So, our son is grounded and very quiet. He knows I was upset. I talked to him briefly to explain his punishment but I was honestly too upset to even help him to understand. The questions running through my head is ok, now they cannot bike at all without us, but them that also means no park without us, no quick bathroom trip without us, nothing, nada, zippo, zilch. Do I really want to do this to my kids? Hell yes is what I said. I have to keep them safe.
Before bed I sat all the kids down and explained the situation and what happened. I told they that there are going to be some new rules when we are camping. I helped them to understand why I was so upset. I could have vomited because I was so upset and worried and the kids knew that. I just want them to stay safe. So, I told the kids exactly that. I told them how much they mean to us and how we could never go on without them. I reminded them that people that steal little kids don’t give them back. I explained in more detail what happens to most kids that are abducted and that they don’t usually live to tell about it. My words were harsh and they were scary but they were filled with love and worry. My kids understood at that moment but now what? Do I put them in a bubble and never let them out of my sight? I would love to but I don’t think is the ultimate plan. So, in the morning the kids want to go biking and to the park. I was hard core, only with an adult! There was a lot of complaining but I didn’t care. As the morning went on, these events just kept playing in my head. How do I teach them to be safe instead of teaching them to be afraid. So with a very heavy heart and a spinning head, I told my oldest he could bike with his siblings if they stayed together. I reminded them of the rules and they understood.
Later that morning, I got a little alone time with our 12 year old. I asked him a little bit about the situation. He said that they thought at first that they would just laugh if they drove through the mud puddle. Our son and this other boy were not prepared for these people to come over by them. Our son said he started to get a little worried and stayed back farther than the other boy. Ok, so he felt the gut instinct that something wasn’t right and he partially listened to it. Now I get to help him understand how to listen to that feeling more and to trust that feeling. You gut is your compass. If you are not comfortable with a decision, don’t make it. If the action doesn’t seem safe or doesn’t make you comfortable don’t do it. I am looking forward to learning from this experience and helping my kids to learn from it, even though I just want to lock them up so I can keep them safe.